Sophie: I did have a little information. I knew how the virus was and wasn't transmitted but I did not think that something like this would ever happen to me. The first time I heard about HIV or AIDS was when I was 15 years old. A health care worker came into our school to talk to us about the virus. She told us not to 'sleep around' and if we did we would contract HIV. She showed us really grim pictures of people who were dying and pictures of people's body parts that were rotting away. I remember passing the book on to the next person and thinking 'that will never happen to me - I am not one of those people'. I could not relate to anything she said that day.

Sophie: I was paranoid about falling pregnant so I was also on the pill as a contraceptive. It was just utter stupidity that I chose not to wear a condom that day.

Sophie: Three weeks after I was infected my glands came up all over my body and I got flu like symptoms (some early signs of early HIV infection) I went to my doctor and asked for a test. He said to me 'Sophie - don't be silly! You are not promiscuous, you are white, you come from a good family and you are really healthy - Why do you think you have HIV?' At the age of 18 I did not have the courage or the strength to deal with the situation and it was easier for me to try and forget about it rather than deal it. Five years later, consumed with fear, still too afraid to go for a test, I was sitting at home reading the paper and read that my ex boyfriend had died. I could no longer live without knowing my status and so I went to another doctor and asked for an HIV test. To my surprise he said exactly what the first doctor had said five years prior to this. I was shocked and angry with him and I had to insist on being tested, as he did not think I had HIV. Once I had made the decision to get tested it was really easy - I went to the laboratory with my script from my doctor and they drew blood. Waiting for 10 days to get my results was not fun. Today things are a lot easier, we have rapid testing which only takes 15 minutes and even if you go through your doctor you only wait a few days for your results.

Sophie: Being an HIV carrier or HIV positive means that you have the virus inside your body that causes AIDS. HIV is not like the flu virus, where a person falls ill within 24 - 48 hours after an HIV infection. It could take up to 10 years (depending on the person) before you start seeing symptoms of AIDS. A person's immune system is made up of many types of white blood cells. The main cell that HIV needs in order to survive is called a CD4 cell. If you are diagnosed with HIV you normally have a CD4 count done every three months to check on how your immune system is dealing with the virus. A CD4 count measures the strength of the immune system. An average CD4 count or T-Cell count is 500 - 1500 copies per cubic millilitre of blood. The more of these white blood cells in the body the stronger the immune system. In order for HIV to replicate (make more of itself), it needs DNA, which is found in these cells. HIV does not have its own DNA, so it 'hijacks' the hosts and uses it to replicate. The higher the viral load (the amount of HIV) the quicker the cells will diminish. When the CD4 count drops below 200, a person is vulnerable to 'opportunistic infections' so called because they take advantage of a weak immune system. When this happens we say that a person now has AIDS.

Acquired - Meaning that a person is not born with this. A person would have to get it from another infected person. It has to enter the body.
Immune - If you are immune to something it means that you are safe. If you are immune to a disease it means that you will not fall ill from that disease. The immune system is your body's defence system. It protects the body against germs and infections from bacteria and viruses. It is made up of different types of white blood cells. These cells are constantly searching the body for foreign organisms and if they find something like this, they fight it.
Deficiency - This means a "lack of" or a breakdown of something. In this disease it is the immune system. The virus slowly attacks the immune system until it can no longer work properly.
Syndrome - A syndrome is a collection of signs and symptoms (A pattern). It is a collection of diseases. There are about thirty different types of diseases that fall under the word AIDS.

Some of the 'symptoms' of AIDS are:
· Wasting syndrome - Weight loss of more than 10 percent of body weight
· Cytomegalovirus
· Tuberculosis
· Herpes simplex viral infection
· Candida of the throat, trachea, bronchi and lungs
· Night sweats
· Thrush or Candida in the mouth
· Pulmonary and Extra pulmonary Tuberculosis
· Toxoplasmosis of the brain
· Severe bacterial infection, e.g. Pneumocystic Carinii Pneumonia
· Amenorrhoea (no menstruation/period)
· Karposis sarcoma
· Lymphoma
· HIV Dementia
· Meningitis

Sophie: In the beginning they were shocked, as they too never thought anything like this would happen to anyone in our family. We were all so scared and ignorant. They were extremely good to me and supported me throughout everything. Telling my mother was the hardest part but it gave us an opportunity to sort out some of our issues and we now have a much closer relationship. I know I can count on her for absolutely anything I need. No one, even in my extended family is ashamed of me - if anything they are very proud!

Sophie: For the first year and a half only ten people knew about my status. This included my immediate family, a few doctors and my best friend. When I disclosed my status to my community and the general public, some of my friends were angry with me that I had not told them. Some of them did not know what to say, so they said nothing. They would see me eating in a restaurant, come up to me and take food off my plate or drink from my glass and ask me a thousand times how I was, but they would not mention the HIV. That was their way of showing me their support. Although this was frustrating for me, I had to realise that they did not know what to say to me and they were struggling with this just as much as I was. With time, they would call me or come over to my home, most of them in tears and I had to sit and counsel and educate them about HIV and AIDS. This went on for a long time. I have not lost any friends because of my status. Quite the opposite! I have no doubts about who my friends are now and all my relationships have become stronger and more meaningful.

Sophie: Firstly, I do not see being HIV positive as having an illness as I am not sick. Secondly, yes, I have been stigmatised and discriminated against because of my status. The first time it happened I was devastated but then I realised that it actually had nothing to do with me. It was just a reflection of how ignorant or afraid that person was of HIV positive people.

Sophie: : Have you ever been to an international AIDS conference? The first time can be a little overwhelming but it was just so exciting and inspiring. There were twelve thousand people at the conference! There were doctors, health care workers, scientists and PLWAs (People Living with AIDS.) Every day I met at least ten new people. I had access to information and I met so many wonderful people who were also HIV positive. I began to understand that it was not just me who was living with this secret and that I could live a normal life with HIV. I saw people who had been living with HIV for longer than 15 years and they were so healthy and some of them were not taking medication. I learnt that there is always hope and that knowledge is powerful and even more powerful when used!

Sophie: Firstly, I wanted to protect other young people from being infected. I wanted to give them the information and education I never had about HIV and how they could actually protect themselves. I thought who better to teach them what it would be like to live with HIV than someone who is young, HIV positive and not ashamed or afraid to talk about it. I wanted to give HIV a face, making it realistic and something they could relate to. I did not want them to think 'this will never happen to me' like I did! I also wanted other young infected people to know that being HIV positive did not have to be a shameful thing and that there are many things that you can do to prolong your life. In the process I was not only helping others but I think I was helping myself come to terms with my own HIV status. Even though it is tiring and very draining, the support I receive and being able to connect with people on such a deep level makes it worth it! Secondly, and very importantly there was absolutely no information around about HIV/AIDS. I remember one of the days after I had told my sister, we went from bookshop to bookshop in one of the northern suburbs of Harare and there was absolutely no information available.

Sophie: Choose Life has a very strong focus mostly on prevention. HIV positive people hold the key to prevention, we can either choose to carry on spreading the virus or choose not to. Most people who spread HIV do it because they have never been tested and do not know their status. We believe that by talking openly about our status and showing people that there are things you can do once you know your status, and that it does not have to be a shameful thing to have HIV, that more people would be tested, access the support and care they need, and the infection rate would come down considerably. Choose Life is affiliated to other organisations that deal with HIV positive youths directly and we link up with them. Most of our work is done in schools with kids who do not know their status and we want to keep them HIV negative for as long as possible. In the future we will be training other infected and affected youths to go into schools and facilitate presentations on their own.

Sophie: I started Antiretroviral drugs in March 2003. I am taking Combivir and Stocrin. At first I was terrified to start treatment. I had heard and read so many bad things about side-effects and toxicity. I have been really lucky. So far I have had no problems. It has been really easy. I take 1 Combivir at 8am and 8pm everyday and 3 Stocrin once a day at 10pm, just before I get into bed. I have a watch on my wrist that is always on me and it has an alarm for every time I have to take a tablet so that I do not forget. So far I have been on time, every time. The first two weeks on therapy were really awful. I felt really sick because my body was not used to the medication but as time went on I felt totally normal and now I feel very strong and healthy.

The lifestyle I follow is generally a healthy one. I look after myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Physically I eat well, and make sure I get enough rest and exercise. There is a direct relationship between health and fitness. Exercise helps my state of mind, body and spirit. Being physically fit encourages your immune system to function well, and increases the production of endorphins which are 'feel-good' chemicals in the brain that make you feel better about yourself. I ended bad habits such as smoking and substance abuse, and started respecting my body. I might have a couple of glasses of alcohol a week but never on an empty stomach. I look after my liver really well now that I am talking medication. Change is not an easy process, but if you want to live a longer, healthier life start making changes that will enable you to do this.

I make sure I express my feelings and deal with my emotions. Anger, for example, can become destructive to your system if not well handled. Studies reflect that if you are angry, depressed, ashamed and not living with passion in your life, the body produces a chemical called Cortisol, which suppresses the immune system. On the other hand, if you are happy, you have a strong sense of self, meaning that you like who you are and are not ashamed of anything and if you are passionate about life, your body produces a hormone called the Growth Hormone, which boosts your immunity. Dealing with stress is also really important. There is good and bad stress. Allowing bad stress to build up suppresses your immune system, which again produces Cortisol. Good stress, for example studying something you enjoy, working towards a goal or overcoming a challenge, will boost your immune system.

Sophie: No, I have not had any children. I am still young and not married so I will have to wait and see what the future holds for me. I know I can have a child that is HIV negative. My concern is what if I die? Who would look after my child? There would have to be a very secure support structure in place before I consider having a child. For the time being, I am happy with my two very special nieces who I see often during the week and I love spending time with.
Parent to Child Transmission occurs when the baby is still in the womb, during childbirth or through breast-feeding. The chance of vertical transmission of HIV from mothers to their unborn babies without intervention is around 30%.

Having an HIV negative child has become easier for HIV positive mothers today. All a woman needs is to know her HIV status, and if it is positive, take a drug which is accessible and free to all Zimbabwean pregnant women, either breastfeed exclusively or not breastfeed at all. Doing this means a 95 - 98% chance of having an HIV negative baby. Is it ethical? Is it moral? Many people have their own thoughts and ideas about HIV positive women having children. The fact is that according to the laws in Zimbabwe, an HIV positive woman is well within her legal, sexual and reproductive health rights to bear a child.

Sophie: I would be lying if I said there weren't more than a few days in a year where I think to myself 'life would be so much easier if I did not have HIV' but looking back over the past five years, if someone gave me the chance, I don't know if I would change anything. My experiences, both positive and negative have been so rich that I often ask myself 'Where would I be had I not faced my fear, been tested for HIV and discovered my status?' Once I had collected information about HIV and AIDS, dealt with the fact that someday I am, like all of us, going to die and came to terms with the fact that I was HIV positive, life as I knew it did change, but for the better. There are always two sides to a coin and it really is our choice which side we choose to accept as our reality. We can either carry on being the 'victim' or rise up and become the 'victor' of our lives.

Knowing my status helped me to take action and be proactive. Most people see an HIV positive diagnosis as a death sentence. It was my Wake up Call! We don't always realise the value of life until it is threatened so remember to always respect, protect and love yourself and your body. Every time I find myself getting down about life I remind myself that today I am healthy and well and I have today!

Even though life at times is hard, I am excited about my future and all the opportunities and difficulties that will come my way. As Saint Francis of Assisi once said, "GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." HIV is not the enemy and has and will be my greatest teacher in life.

Sophie: Enjoying life and having fun is really important to me. I love having things to look forward to or goals to achieve. Having integrity matters to me, by that I mean that I am true and honest with others and myself. Spending quality time with my friends and family and getting fulfilment from my work is equally important. Obviously my health matters - I make sure that I take really good care of myself so that I am able to do all the things I want to do in life!

Sophie: At the moment if I am not working in schools, which has not been for a while as no one wants me around in the first school term, I am working on articles for a local newspaper called the Sunday Mirror, relating to HIV and AIDS. Being creative is also a big part of my life so I make things and sell them to supplement my income. I work from home so it's really easy to schedule things into my day that I like doing - like having a coffee with a friend or spending the afternoon with my nieces. During the weekend most of the time I am with friends and family relaxing. Occasionally we will go out to a nightclub or a party and dance the night away, which I love!

Sophie: Zimbabwe has one of the highest infection rates in the world. According to UNAIDS 33.7% of Zimbabwe is HIV positive. The country is going through major economic turmoil at the moment. Our unemployment is over 70%, annual inflation around 620% and 70% of hospital occupancy is AIDS related.

· 2,500 people are dying every week
· +/- 2,000 new infections occur weekly
· 28% of pregnant 15 -18 year olds are HIV-positive
· 35% of pregnant 20 -24 year olds are HIV-positive
· +/- 40% of pregnant 25 -29 year olds are HIV-positive

Sources of Information:
Report on Global HIV/AIDS epidemic 2002 - UNAIDS
Ministry of Health
National Survey of HIV and Syphilis Prevalence Among Women attending Antenatal Clinics in Zimbabwe 2000

In addition to all of this, the majority of people who need access to treatment do not have it. Most people can't afford Antiretrovirals or medicines to treat opportunistic infections. Our government is in the process of setting up Antiretroviral programs but things are taking a while to happen. We do not have enough doctors and setting up a program like this takes time and resource that we do not currently have.

Sophie: Definitely, there are still so many people all over the world who do not know even the basic facts about HIV or AIDS. So many people do not want to deal with it at all and think that it is somebody else problem. AIDS should stand for:
Am
I
Doing
Something
We all need to do something about HIV and AIDS. It is every ones problem.

Sophie:
· Find someone you can talk to and confide in. Being diagnosed HIV positive is hard to deal with but it is even harder to do this all alone.
· Get informed about HIV and AIDS. Find out how this virus works, what it is doing in your body, what it thrives on and what it dislikes.
· Speak to other HIV positive people and see how they have managed to remain healthy and strong.
· Take responsibility for your health. We love to place blame on others for situations we find our selves in but most of the time we are the ones who put ourselves at risk. The issue is not where you contracted HIV - but that you are now HIV positive.
· Find a doctor that you feel comfortable with, one who has experience in dealing with HIV and AIDS. Don't assume that every doctor knows all about HIV and AIDS. Get a second and third opinion. Get checked for TB and STDs. If you have one of these it is best to know and deal with it before it becomes a problem.
· Research your treatment options. What traditional, western medicine or complementary therapies are available, accessible and will work for you?
· Plan a future and put it into action. Just because you have been diagnosed with HIV does not mean that your life has to end. Set yourself short term and long-term goals and go for it!
· Express your feelings. Once a person has been diagnosed there will be a series of different emotions. Anger, as discussed above, if not dealt with can become destructive to your body. Find a way to deal with that anger. Get it out of your body, in a constructive way.
· Find a way to deal with stress!
· Start doing things you enjoy. Find a reason to live. Living with HIV may not be easy but you can choose to live a very powerful life with it.
· Exercise
· End bad habits and start respecting your body. Your body is the most incredible instrument you will ever own and yet most of us abuse our bodies constantly. If you are a smoker, for example, try giving up, you are three times more likely to pick up a lung infection than a non-smoker.
· There are many different levels of disclosure. Do not disclose your HIV status until you have accepted that you are positive, are well informed about HIV and AIDS and feel comfortable enough to be able to answer everyone's questions.
· Fear is a common word associated with HIV and AIDS. Fears that come up around HIV and ADIS are fear of dying, death, rejection, stigma, discrimination and being alone for the rest of your life. Always remember what you resist in life will persist. They say the best way to deal with a fear is face it. Fear is one of the emotions that create Cortisol in your body. We tend to relate HIV and AIDS to death and dying, so we run away from dealing with it but all of us will have to deal with this eventuality someday. Why not embrace it? Deal with death and dying, get it out of the way so that you can be present to the living part of life. If you are afraid of something the best way to deal with it is to get information and education around that particular fear. Another way to deal with it is to create a situation, for example you want to go for an HIV test but you are afraid. Start by picturing yourself going for the test. Who is there? How are you feeling? Create in you mind the worst case scenario - Not only are you positive but the counsellor has very little information to give you, you go home to your family, disclose your status in the hope of receiving support and are thrown out of your home! What would you do? Where would you go? Who would you speak to from there? By making a plan for your worst fears, you start putting your subconscious mind to rest. If you ever find yourself in that situation you will know exactly what you are going to do. You can use this technique for any fear.
· Have protected sex so that you do not re-infect yourself or infect others.
· Make sure you are having a balanced diet, which is inexpensive. Cut out processed and refined foods, sugars and hydrogenated fats, which are bad for your immune system.

Sophie: There are different ways of remaining HIV negative and it is a very personal choice. Whatever you decide, make sure you don't judge the choices that others make.
Most importantly, take responsibility for your own life and body. Always remember it is your life! Your body! Your choice!
Make sure you make informed choices. Know and understand the consequences of your actions. Remember KNOWLEDGE IS POWER but it is useless if you do not use it! THINK BEFORE YOU ACT!
Your choices are to:
· Abstain - This means that you don't have sex until you are married. This is very difficult to do, as most young people want to have sex before marriage. If you decide to do this, realize that it takes hard work and lots of commitment! Nothing worth fighting for is easy. Abstaining means that you fall into the category of "NO RISK" It is the only 100% risk free way in terms of being infected through sexual intercourse and that's great!
· For some young people abstaining is not realistic or possible. You could try delaying sex for as long as possible.
· If you are going to have sex make sure it is safe. If you cannot abstain make sure you protect yourself and your partner. If you do not know how to use a condom get a professional health care worker to show you. This is so important! Know that condoms can break or slip. The slippage and breakage rate of a condom is about 2 - 3% so condoms don't make sex safe - they make it much safer. Make sure that you use a condom correctly and consistently every time. Having unprotected sex in this day and age is like playing Russian roulette.
· If you have decided to have sex you and your partner could get tested before hand. If you are both negative you still need to wear condoms because there is not only HIV out there but there are so many other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) that you could contract and let us not forget about unwanted pregnancies. When you are tested for HIV they do not look for other STDs.